


Abandon All Hope

by Katzedecimal



Series: The Kitchen God's Strife [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Cooking, Gen, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-23
Updated: 2012-09-23
Packaged: 2017-11-14 20:50:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/519386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katzedecimal/pseuds/Katzedecimal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not that Sherlock can't cook; it's that nobody wants him to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Abandon All Hope

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Makani](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Makani/gifts).
  * Translation into Français available: [L'espoir est futile](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1706447) by [FroggyBangBang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FroggyBangBang/pseuds/FroggyBangBang)



> You don't need to be familiar with _The X-Files_ for this fic. All you really need to know is that the first time I made this pie was the night this episode premiered :3

[8:14 Mycroft Holmes] I have a matter of some urgency that might interest you. Are you at home?

[8:14 SH] I'm in the doghouse.

[8:15 Mycroft Holmes] Again? What happened this time?

[8:16 SH] I made a pie.

[8:16 Mycroft Holmes] Alright.

[8:17 SH] Mrs. Hudson's bought a new widescreen telly and invited John and I to come 'round. So I thought I would make Cook's old recipe for Pizza Rustica.

[8:19 Mycroft Holmes] The double crust pie with the ricotta, mozzarella and the tomato sauce with the black olives? Yes, I remember it. Quite tasty, as I recall. Did it not go over well?

[8:21 SH] Not hardly. Mrs. Hudson likes _X-Files._ I was cutting into the pie while John was showing her how to download an episode.  
[8:23 SH] I don't watch crap telly. How was I to know that the episode featured huge exploding pus boils?

[8:24 Mycroft Holmes] Oh NO, Sherlock

[8:25 SH] Then we looked down at the pie

[8:25 Mycroft Holmes] With the ricotta cheese and the olive-flecked tomato sauce...

[8:26 SH] And we all realised at the same time that it looked just like the special make-up effects. 

[8:28 Mycroft Holmes] Oh God, Sherlock  
[8:28 Mycroft Holmes] You have terrible luck in the kitchen.  
[8:28 Mycroft Holmes] What happened that got you chased out?

[8:29 SH] I kept eating it.  
[8:29 SH] Well it's good pie!  
[8:30 SH] It's not actually pus and rotten blood, it only resembles it.  
[8:30 SH] Rather closely, I'll admit, but still

[8:32 Mycroft Holmes] ow. I should not be drinking whiskey while you are relating kitchen incidents. 

[8:32 SH] They said I was disgusting and kicked me out.  
[8:33 SH] I'm glad you find this so amusing.

[8:34 Mycroft Holmes] The situation is amusing; your distress, however, is not.   
[8:35 Mycroft Holmes] Is there any pie left?

[8:35 SH] Yes

[8:36 Mycroft Holmes] My car should be arriving shortly to collect you. Bring it along, then. If they don't wish to appreciate your culinary skill, I will.

[8:37 SH] Alright.


End file.
